Sometimes a person has to choose

There have been many times in life where I, myself, have had to choose between my friends and my significant other but I have also been the person that has asked people to choose and times where I have been the friend that someone didn't wish to have in their partners life. There are also those times in friendship and intimate relationships where you have choose yourself or the other person. I'm on a roll this summer with choosing Kayana. I really feel like what people give to me is not something that I have to accept. I tell the people I know that they should live for them and I mean that but at the same time as an adult you have to know that living for you will cause you to lose people. That's life though, everyone isn't meant to be a part of your forever.

I have no ill feelings to the people I let go of but I won't accept anything less than what I give you. And in friendship there is no in between. I don't know how to be a half-friend nor do I know how to be a half-partner. I can't compromise myself or my beliefs about friendship/relationships to accommodate those that won't do the same to accommodate me. My best friend of almost 10 years has never made me have to make that sacrifice and she never will. My friends from undergrad of 2-3 years don't ask that I make that sacrifice so someone that I'm just meeting isn't going to get anywhere asking me to.

Life is about choices and I'm owning my choices. My decisions to step back from people and remove them from my life circle is what I did to create a space in my life that is free from disappointment, sadness, anxiety attacks, and negativity that isn't warranted. I'm sure I will miss you all but I miss a few people from my past, I'm satisfied with having known you more than I would be with having you presently.

I am at a place in my life where I need actions to speak louder than words. My whole life people have been telling me things and not doing anything to put their words into actions. I have a past filled with lots of disappointment, don't ask me to not hold that against you just simply prove that you're different and I will treat you as such.